josh & sara's holiday letter

From left: Boots, Sara, Canelo, Bunny & Josh

Dear Family, Friends & Loved Ones,

My turning point this year was Saturday July 1st. It was late in the afternoon, I was standing in a Home Depot parking lot in Reno, it was 97 degrees out, and I’d just finished loading more than 500lbs of lumber into the back of our pick up truck. I was sweating, a little dehydrated, and pretty sure I’d just re-injured my shoulder. My phone rang, it was a friend of Sara’s who was an hour ahead of me en route to the mountains to meet up with Sara (who was already there). When I answered, she said “Sara’s been in an accident.” Turns out that Sara had driven our ATV down the dirt road to meet her friend, somehow flipped it over, and when our friend came upon her, Sara was disoriented and in a lot of pain.

About 90 minutes later we were all at an ER, my life flashing in front of my eyes. Ultimately, we learned that Sara walked away with a concussion and a broken collarbone. But that day changed our lives. I recently asked Sara what she’d like me to share from this experience, and she told me: the importance of being listened to. 

At the Reno ER, the doctor said Sara would be clear to go back to work in 5 days. It was pretty obvious to anyone (else) in the room that this was never going to happen. But, as I sat there watching the love of my life (who is MIT educated and specializes in the engineering of medical devices) calmly explain what she was experiencing, it was clear this guy wasn’t listening. A few excruciating days later, Sara was back in an ER, this time with a nurse telling her to buck up and just let the collarbone repair itself in 4 months. Another excruciating week later, Sara saw an orthopedic physician, and this doctor actually listened. One plate and ten screws later, Sara’s collarbone was in place, and her physical healing could finally begin.

I reflect a lot on this aspect of our post-July 1st journey. I wonder how many times I haven’t listened to someone, or how much I’ve missed what people told me because I couldn’t hear. I wonder if I might’ve made a difference in someone’s healing if only I’d been a better listener. And when I look around at the world writ large, it’s pretty clear we’re not listening to one another. Not nearly enough. It’s uncomfortable to listen to the voices of people who are in pain. It’s easier to shut out the people with whom we disagree. But if we never listen, can we ever heal?

These days, Sara’s doing much better. I remind her that she’s so brilliant, even her toughest concussion days are on par with my best brain days. That doesn’t make her feel better, but it’s true. I’ve learned a lot about caretaking, patience, the importance of laughter (and tears), and to not run away when it all scares me. Many days I marvel at Sara’s ability to seemingly step outside herself and observe the ways she feels improved, worse, or changed. She is a wonder, and being a partner to her through this time period has, I hope, made me a better human. 

I read an article recently about a good way to respond to someone expressing a crisis. The article suggested asking: “Do you need to be helped, heard, or hugged?” (When I ask Sara this question now, the answer is invariably “hugged!”). I was also recently reminded of a Nietzsche quote: “We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.” So, I’ve instituted a “daily dance,” where I pick a song and ask Sara to dance with me. Sometimes it’s goofy, usually it’s romantic because I’m a sap. But our time on this Earth to hold one another, to laugh with one another, to cry with one another - that time is limited. Just ask that jarring July 1st. 

With that, I’ll wrap up my annual reflection, and highlight some (other!) 2023 milestones below. Family, friends, loved ones - my wish for you this holiday season and New Year is that you take the time to listen deeply to people around you and to the people around the world. Let go of judgment and fear of what you might hear, and try to respond with love. And please dance, definitely dance. 

All our love, 

Sara, Josh, Bunny, Canelo and Boots (welcome to the family Boots!)